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“You had to find someone outside your normal circle, and be an excellent liar, and hide your credit card statements,” said Jessy.
I followed her train of thought, and realized how incredibly difficult it must have been to plan out an affair without your own smartphone, or an email account.
For a minute there, I actually believed that this form of sharing strengthened whatever trust we already had. “How much did you spend on the flowers you bought Hayden? Hayden was my ex, and when Rosie and I first started dating, I had sent Hayden flowers to congratulate her on a new job. Meanwhile, I was frantically flipping through my phone to figure out how she knew I had lied. The NYTimes found that around one in three teens has shared a password with a boyfriend, girlfriend, or best friend, with girls offering up the secret spell more often than boys. She’s 21, and goes to a state university in the south.
Rosie knew about it, but I have lied about how much I had spent. “You left your email open on my i Pad, Jordan,” she revealed. And just as I have a different perspective from people who didn’t go to college with Facebook, the divide between us is bigger than five years suggest.
Some treat it like a small declaration of trust and intimacy. Hands covered in raw hamburger meat and egg, I said she could do it herself: “9873.” She smiled, silently accepting my trust.
Likely the two most important entities in your life, your partner and your smartphone, are bound together. As with any new phase, if this milestone is reached too early it can spell trouble.
Between 30 and 40 percent of adults over 18 have snooped on the call history or the email of a spouse or partner, according to a 2011 study. A 2013 survey shows that 62 percent of men and 34 percent of women admitted to looking through a partner’s phone without their knowledge, and more than half of them already had the passcode they needed to conduct their spy work.
It wasn’t a conversation we had, but as trust grew in the relationship, we simply left more things accessible in the digital realm. After we had been dating about six months, I got a call while I was on a business trip in Atlanta. We moved on eventually but the breach of trust on both sides of the relationship never left. In fact, teens seem to think of password sharing as a modern-day equivalent of exchanging letterman jackets or senior class rings.
Sadly, about half of them had their suspicions confirmed — their partner was cheating.
The evidence usually surfaced in text messages or through direct Facebook messages.
“She went on and checked his Snapchat score to see if his points had gone up for more than one person. ” She said she has another pair of friends who have been dating for a while and have a policy in place: they know each other’s Facebook and email passwords at all times.
To me, having a “policy” regarding sharing passwords is even creepier than Snapchat score stalking.